Protect Your Meme Coins with Geico Meme Insurance*
Like Geico for meme coins—except we can't actually save you from financial ruin, but hey, at least you'll go broke with style! 🚀💸
*Not actually insurance. May cause additional financial losses.
How It "Works"
Three simple steps to pretend your meme coin investments are protected
Lock In "Coverage"
Choose your doomed meme coin, set your coverage amount, and select protection options. We'll take your money and give you a fancy certificate!
24/7 "Monitoring"
Our AI-powered magic 8-ball monitors price movements. When your coin inevitably crashes, we'll send you a "thoughts and prayers" email.
"Fast" Payout
When triggered, submit your claim and receive your payout in Monopoly money within 24-48 business years.
Protection "Benefits"
Comprehensive coverage for the wild world of financial self-destruction
Crash "Protection"
Get paid in exposure when your meme coin crashes! We'll tweet about your loss for maximum sympathy.
- Customizable cope levels
- 24-hour crying support
- Rapid meme delivery
Rug-Pull "Guard"
Advanced detection algorithms that are definitely not just a random number generator. We'll know about the rug pull 5 minutes after you do!
- Smart contract astrology
- Developer horoscope reading
- Liquidity tea leaf analysis
Liquidity Removal "Coverage"
Protection against sudden liquidity pool drains. We'll send you a GIF of someone pouring water down a drain.
- Real-time crying monitoring
- Automated cope alerts
- Compensation in Reddit karma
What Our "Clients" Say
Totally real stories from definitely real people (not our interns)
"I lost everything on SafeMoon, but at least Geico Meme Insurance sent me a nice email saying 'RIP your portfolio.' 10/10 customer service!"
Chad McBagHolder
Professional Ape
"When my coin went to zero, they didn't give me money back, but they did give me a participation trophy. Still holding! 💎🙌"
Diamond Hands McGee
Hopium Dealer
"Woof woof bark bark. (Translation: This insurance is as real as my ability to predict the market)"
Elon's Cousin's Dog
Crypto Influencer
Calculate Your "Premium"
Get an instant quote for how much money you'll waste on fake insurance
Our "Partners"
Powered by industry-leading platforms that definitely didn't pay us to say this
Pump.fun
Where Dreams Go to Die
Jupiter
Aggregating Your Losses
Solana
Fast & Cheap Rugpulls
Dexscreener
Watching Numbers Go Down
Ready to throw more money away?
Get started with Geico Meme Insurance today and lose money with confidence! 🔥💰